Twas the night before Christmas and Rudolph was lame,
said the vet from the North Pole, foot rots to blame,
I’ll give him some sulfa, that’s the best I can do,
but stall rest is needed for the next week or two.
Great Scott, cried out Santa, as he turned with a jerk,
I won’t get thru Tellico, if my headlight don’t work,
I’ll get lost in the Smokies, if I’m flying blind,
and on I – 75, I’ll surely get fined,
cause no cop in his right mind, would give any clout,
to an old Geezer like me, who said his reindeer went out.
With the chance of no Christmas, the Elves started to cry,
thought Santa, this is serious, I should call ix and i i.
So he gathered the others, old Donner and Blitzen,
were there any among them, whose nose was transmitzen.
They grunted, and strained, and sure made a mess,
but no noses glowed brightly, no ears luminessed.
Bad luck in big bunches, cried Santa distressed,
we’ll just have to fly, the Delta red eye express.
I’ll just check the schedule, and he put on his glasses,
when up step’d a Billy goat, from the Dragon Run passes.
He shivered and shook, like a mouse on the Ark,
but his horns were a beacon, they glowed in the dark.
Santa went crazy, and asked ‘Why?’, with a smile.
Said Billy, I just ate a wristwatch, with a radium dial,
you see I’m from Vonore, and we don’t have thick hide,
my skin is so thin, it shines thru from inside.
If that’s true then let’s feed him, cried Santa with glee,
gather everything burning, and bring it to me.
Billy ate all sorts of flashbulbs, and a roadside reflector,
two electrical eels, and a solar collector,
firecrackers and sparklers, and a Lady Schick shaver,
and a package of lifesavers, one of them wintergreen flavors.
He ate a whole school, of phosphorescent fish,
and a dayglow pizza, on a glittering dish,
candles and fireflies, and stuff that ignites,
then he had a big bowl, of Northerly Lights.
Billy danced on a rug, and he petted a cat,
and after he was finished, and had done all of that.
In order to store, the static electricity better,
they forced him to eat, two balloons and a sweater.
When he opened his mouth, light fell on the floor,
like the fridge light comes on, when you open the door.
His Halloween smile, couldn’t be better drawn,
when he burp’d accidently, his high beams kicked on.
Hitch him up, cried Santa, and they went on their way,
and I remember that Christmas, to this very day.
The sky was a’blazing, with the stars shining bright,
they were shooting and falling, all thru the night.
I realize now, because I was told by Jack Frost,
that what I really was seeing, was old Billy’s exhaust.